Spider-Man 3 Bullet Review

Hiya ako.

Spider-Man 3 wastes no time in delivering the goods smack at your face. Settle down in your seat fast because Goblin II kicks some serious spandex ass in the first 20 minutes of the movie. Sure, you still can tell apart the CGI effects from the actors but it doesn’t take away from the crazy angled alley dogfight. Off to a good start so the muddled middle was bewildering. Joel Schumacher bewildering.

(Hides under the table. Waves white flag. Coast is clear.)

Gwen Stacy. Flint Marko/Sandman. The disposable Eddie Brock/Venom. Harry Osborn/Goblin II. All crammed in jumpy 10-minute exposure so they make their darnest best to make an impression. By the end of the movie, it felt like wearing shoes two sizes smaller.

Here there be spoilerage bullets.

The Good

• Thomas Haden Church's Flint Marko/Sandman is the best thing about this movie. Great effects. Resonant acting. Touching in bits.
• Evil Peter Parker. Strutting down the street with his Blink 182 `do, funny that one. Just goes to show that Parker/Spider-Man is the geekiest of them heroes. Even when he turns into an ass, he is still his nerdy, awkward, uncool self.
• Action sequences. Spidey using the falling debris to launch himself to catch Gwen Stacy was a nice show of spider agility.
• Gwen Stacy straight out of the comic book.
• MJ's flailing acting career. Heh. Nicely done though, subtle yet painful to watch.
• Goblin II. Minus the overexposed pearly whites. Cool gears, too.
  

The Bad

• The Venom/Sandman team-up. Let's have them close a deal because the movie's getting too lengthy, feels like it.
• Spider-Man/Goblin II team-up. The ending turned into a messy buddy-flick.
  
• The chick-flickness. Not as bad as Superman Returns but sometimes you kinda wonder what you're watching in the first place.
  
• The children. They're all over the movie. Bad lines. Bad reaction shots. Unfunny jokes.

The Fugly

• Venom. The movie could've done without. Forced. Flat. And Topher Grace's wooden snear is fucking annoying.
  

Should you watch it? Hell, yeah. It's fun. It's...fun. But like Spidey's Back in Black hoopla in the books, this movie is all hype, minus the sting. No surprises here. **