Watching the Watchmen

Watchmen
Directed by Zack Snyder
Written by David Hayter and Alex Tse
From the Comic by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons





















"There are things that we did with Watchmen that could only work in a comic, and were indeed designed to show off things that other media can't." - Alan Moore


Alan Moore was right. Zack Snyder's Watchmen is an epic redundancy. A doppelganger stitched together with hubris and airplane glue but hollowed out, bereft of soul. A dummy twitching on the lap of a ventriloquist with no voice to throw so he throws someone else's. An impostor bursting at the seams with all the digital pretty that money can buy licking your eyes over and over and over until you give and have its baby - - -I looooove you, Zack Snyder's Watchmen ! You're so sooooo pretty! - - - as if the whole point of steeping yourself - - - and to a virulent degree at that - - - in both the lore and the form of comic books is to someday see them blown up at 24 fps, as if the whole point of comic books is to be glorified shooting boards for comic book movies, as if the whole point was not the comic books.

None of this is puritan fanboy outrage, mind - - -there's no blasphemy in getting a comic book movie wrong. And are there still puritan fanboys out there and if there are, have they been out of the house lately? And no, this isn't a disappointment funk,either. Exasperated as I am about lowering my expectations to armor myself from deficient over-hyped blockbusters, it would have been profoundly foolish to come to this with my head in a more heightened space so I expected little from Zack Snyder's Watchmen and got exactly that.

Superheroes, for ages the hot ticket of comic books , have become the hot ticket of theme park cinema. And Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons' Watchmen is only the Citizen Kane of superhero comics. Viral and monolithic but unfilmable - - -that was the recurring prognosis. Too colossal. Too grim. Too dense. Too expensive to mount. A whole litany of too's. But the most crucial "too" is the most neglected out of it not being readily apparent: too self-contained. The nine panel grid was not for the hell of it. The work fed off its medium. This was not Iron Man or Batman or Hellboy where Favreau, Nolan, Del Toro - - -dork, craftsman, genius - - - took characters from another medium then retroactively folded them into theirs. Watchmen demanded more taking apart, more toil, more translation. The last thing you want to do with it is use the comic book as a shooting board. That's the first thing Zack does.

And who is Zack Snyder exactly? What's his aesthetic? What's his stance? He undercranks his fight scenes. That's it. That's my only peg on him as a filmmaker. That's everything he has to say about the world: combat is like ballet when slowed down. Does anybody making a popcorn movie need to say anything about the world? No, but that's just it, Zack's not making a popcorn movie anymore, is he? And before you pull out that haggard art vs.entertainment card - - - Zack sort of said that, not me. Only he doesn't really do much. He undercranks the fight scenes - - -he would. And bloats them into set pieces that go on and on and on- - -when short and sharp and shocking is what they are. He also makes the superheroes super - - -missing the whole point that, apart from the glowing blue dick of Dr.Manhattan,these were little more than kooks empowered by a silly costume and the balls to wear them. He shortcuts his nuances with some of modern cinema's most painfully obvious musical cues - - -The Times They Are A Changin' during the rather wonderful opening montage showing how . . .um, the times are. . .um, a-changin'. Duh. Mason Hood is peripheral. Ozymandias becomes a fascist caricature. The gigantic squid is 86'd - - -well, that one I can let slip. He upsets the dynamic. The feel is off. The plot is lost. Oh, he nails Rorsharch - - - but only a buffoon would not nail Rorsharch and Zack isn't a buffoon by any measure, just in over his head.

His Watchmen is a glorified motion comic. Epic. Redundant. And that's my beef,really. Everything I take from his movie I've already taken from the book. Or maybe I don't. I just fill blanks in my head. That sequence with Dr.Manhattan striding across Vietnam rice paddies shooting death rays from his hands to decimate Cong had me palpitating,sure. And there are about half a dozen other sequences here that do that,too - - - and those undercranked fight scenes of his do have a supple beauty even if they have no bearing, make no sense. Thing is, they all had me palpitating on the page, where they also had the conspirational throb of context. Here, they're just money shots. Eyecandy. Digital pretty licking your eyes over and over and over.

And this, those of us grumbling in the corners are told, should suffice. Shame, that. Know what, maybe this is a bit of puritan fanboy outrage . Having steeped myself in the lore and the form of comic books to a virulent degree, I think I've earned the right to great expectations when a comic book movie rolls into town, to demand more from them than just the fleeting thrill of being gangraped by the digital pretty and to not settle for something just because they got Night Owl's costume right. * *

Metal Gear Solid

METAL MEN #1
Written by Duncan Rouleau;
Art and Cover by Rouleau

From Grant Morrison's heavy metal wisdom. If that's not enough, check out Rouleau's art that is as detailed as an integrated circuit. And the writing, oh man. Funny, quirky, purely consuming.

Slick.

I don't remember much of the Metal Men's books but they've made quite an impression on my early funny book reading years. And their (temperamental) resurrection in the pages of 52 just made me want to pick up anything Metal.

Rouleau's first issue is less sinister, more adventure clever. This is easily one of the best team book debuts. No sitting around on their asses looking at superhero pin-ups. This launches straight into temporal jumping action, periodic table banter, and an ominous cliffhanger.

If you're not buying any DC titles and have been burned by the fractured storytelling of Countdown (I have) or the insulting silliness of Amazons Attack! or the numerous cross-overs, then at least get this (and maybe Green Lantern). It will bring your faith back in comic books and its uncanny ability to make you smile. *****


MIDNIGHTER #10
Written by Keith Giffen;
Art and Cover by Chris Sprouse and Karl Story

Consider this Midnighter #1. Ennis' run was fun for the first 2 issues. BKV's was a great filler. Gage's was just dull; a shame really since Leon's art was refreshingly high-strung.

Giffen's issue starts with a reference to Ellis' Authority run. A woman Midnighter saves from thugs jumps out a window in fear of what he stood for. "You killed God!," she screams before she takes her own life.

Jenny drops by and sets Midnighter off to discover his secret history, his pre-meta identity.

I scratch my chin. Interesting. Definitely a new direction for what seems like the Batman or Wolverine of WildStorm. ****

World War III

52 #50, World War III 1-4

This is DC's fuck you to Marvel's Civil War, five installments in a day, kudos to the group just for this rare experience.

Twists and Dead Ends: The thing is, DC doesn't seem to be interested in attracting new readers. World War III's marketing blitz is a tiny, lonely spark compared to the fireworks display of Civil War or even Infinite Crisis. No doubt it is a major event with gazillion book crossovers but it does feel that it is solely for 52 readers. I can't imagine jumping into this arc without reading the past 49 issues of 52 and a few OYL titles (Supergirl, Trials of Shazam). With this frighteningly focused market, in this sense, World War III is an ambitious indy act, let's say Sufjan Stevens, let's say Sufjan Stevens' Avalanche album, an acquired taste, a collection of rarities and B-sides, and only for the loyal listeners. 52 #50 is, not surprisingly, the best of the bunch, drawing to a close Black Adam's murderous rampage. The other closures---the Question and Montoya's, Batman's soul searching, Luthor's rain of the supermen---all neatly tied, if a little too hushed. Black Adam's journey in contrast is superhero UFC smackdown, loud, fast and furious. The ending is quite a punch, mystical in nature but true to the characters.

World War III takes a close look at the events of 52 #50, with a few forced and useless plotlines, mostly found in Book Two. Supergirl comes back from the future changed. Duh. Or this is why she has two ongoing titles. Donna Troy picks up the Wonder Woman tiara, but never answers why. Bat Girl confused; Jason poses as Nightwing. Given, given. The return and death of Terra...whathafuck? How? And why?

But the books do succeed in telling the story of Black Adam and J'onn J'onzz. No spoilers here, but choosing Manhunter to be the narrator of the story worked beyond my expectations. The loss and guilt that connects both characters made the telling more...poignant. Not the greatest thing about a comic book mega-event but it's what is sorely lacking in Civil War. All fists. No punches.

Highlights and low life: Martian Manhunter vs. Black Adam. China's heroes vs. Black Adam. DCU vs. Black Adam. All sweet. Infinity Inc.'s response to Black Adam was hilarious. Loved the conversations between the DCU heroes before the final attack: love lives, rent woes, anything but what they were about to face. Major mehs: Teen Titans. Interesting pre-OYL line-up but too many questions left unanswered like why BB left the Titans in the first place. And Terra? When and how did this happen? Apparently it's the same Terra, GF's sister. And Frankenstein Jr.? Argh. Years worth of Teen Titans history in my head and the Titans are written out of sync. There's nothing remotely Raven about Raven, Gar's a mess, and...just too many gaps in the telling which started immediately after the OYL jump. Sorry, grumpy fan. And oh, the art. Not very good especially in the first two books. I guess it's what DC had to sacrifice to meet the shipping schedule.

All in all, a great story in the DCU continuity. And mired in continuity this is. Works for me but definitely not for walk-ins.

52 # 50 (Rucka, Johns, Morrison, Waid, Various artists) *****
World War III Book One (Champagne/Oliffe and Geraci) ***
World War III Book Two (Champagne/Smith and Snyder) *
World War III Book Three (Ostrander/Derenick and Rapmund) ****
World War III Book Four (Ostrander/Jadson and Ramos) ****

Bullet Points: April 12

Teen Titans #45 (DC) - They're going down fast much like the writing is devolving to cromagnon stating the obvious grunts. Damn you Beechen. Raven is all Deanna Troi, Wonder Girl's still weepy over Conner, Robin's still weepy over Conner, Bat Girl's all grr and hi-yaa but she gets kicked on the head by a one-armed C-lister, this from the girl who almost killed Shiva. Unbefuckinglievable. I love this book, used to be on the top of my pile. They're making dropping this title so much easier. *

52 Week 49 (DC) - Already? Sure, the art and writing were wobbly at times but the effort itself, the intersecting locations and characters, the simmering and the murderous boiling over as it reached the week 30 mark, everything, it's just mythic. Great Black Adam and Atom Smasher bit and the scientists in the Island of Dr. Morrow (funny, that) still mad giggly. It looks like I'm on board for World War III. ****

After the Cape #2 (Image) - The first issue was interesting enough. Alcoholic superhero gets booted out of super group and now robbing banks to buy a house, but the drinking still gets in the way. Nicholas Cage should star in the movie. Issue #2 is just meh. Pacing is slow and the plot is stuck in mid-air. And, yeah, that's about it. **

Fables #60 (Vertigo) - Finally back to its major story with the Frog Prince arc. Wheels are turning fast for Fly and his turn from bumbling fool to mighty avenger is both tragic and triumphant. The ominous soundtrack is back, new plots unravel and a few secrets are revealed. Yum. ****

Thor Says: The Best of 2006 in Comics v.1

A year of crisis, a year of reboots. And I’m not just talking about my personal life. This is the best year to get back into comics. Continuities are cleaned up; storylines are brassy new, and our heroes learn how to be heroes again. And oh, all Civil War titles will have to be runners-up for now since shipping is always delayed. Heh.

Best Story INFINITE CRISIS
Epic, cinemascope storytelling. Taking root in the universe-spanning Crisis on Infinite Earths and the more recent crime drama Identity Crisis, Infinite Crisis redefines taking a plunge with blind Juggernaut momentum. Johns and Jimenez take us from a nuclear detonation in Bludhaven to the imploding Rann galactica to a universe-bending portal powered by Black Adam and Power Girl among others. We might not always get it (instantly) but we are definitely swept away. By the palpable desperation of Superman. By the sheer bravado of the speedsters and the GL corps. By the sacrifice of a teenager in love.

Runners-up CIVIL WAR: Frontline (Marvel), RUNAWAYS: Parental Guidance (Marvel), TEEN TITANS: Titans Around the World (DC)



Best Book 52
A weekly comic by Mark Waid, Grant Morrison, Greg Rucka, and Geoff Johns. Cover by J.G. Jones. And there's no hype to live up to. Just writers telling stories and artists sketching the missing year between I.C. and the One Year Later jump all DC titles took before IC wrapped up. What was a gamble is now an extraordinary triumph of affected storytelling. And it lives up to its promise. Superman, Wonder Woman and Batman are not missed. At all. Instead we get to root for C-listers Renee Montoya, The Question, Steel, Booster Gold and Skeets, and almost forgotten fan favorites Animal Man and Adam Strange. And Lobo. The lost in space crew, the Black Adam family, the mysterious Batwoman, and Lex Corp.'s Infinity Inc. are all about to collide next year, and I'm guessing it will soon be time for JSA #1's opening panel World War III.

Runners-up FABLES (Vertigo), THE ULTIMATES 2 (Marvel), ASTONISHING X-MEN (Marvel), Y: The Last Man (Vertigo)

Best Hero IRON MAN
Because right now, he is both hero and villain and there's no one remotely more interesting in the Marvel Universe than this recovering alcoholic corporate mogul who cannot survive outside his armor. And Iron Man beating up Captain America, that's the sweetest. Turn around or not at the end of CW, he is the necessary catalyst that is changing the Marvel Universe.

Runners-up GREEN ARROW (DC), RENEE MONTOYA (DC), EMMA FROST (Marvel), BLACK BOLT (Marvel)